Huge news: A MAN IS ABOUT TO MOVE INTO MY HOME. Okay, okay – I’ll concede that it might not sound like huge news to you (and that’s fair, because I am a random internet woman), but it’s a very big deal to me, a fully-grown 32-year-old adult who is gearing up to live with a partner for the very first time. This July – after 2.5 years of long-distance dating, nightly FaceTimes, and more plane rides than I can count – my boyfriend Dennis is departing the great state of Delaware (where we’re both from) in favor of the sunnier skies and vibrant city life of Los Angeles. I CANNOT WAIT.
But technically he’s not moving into MY home – he’s moving into OUR home. So today, I’d like to pose a question: how do you design with a partner? It’s a question I’m still working out, but I’d like to share some of the tips and tricks that Den and I have been keeping in mind – starting with understanding our partner’s inspiration and ending with some valuable ideas to consider for anyone else in our boat. (Please feel free to drop any of your cohabitation wisdom in the comments, too – I’m all ears and would love to hear anything you’ve found helpful, no matter how small!) Let’s kick it off by meeting the man of the hour, yeah?
A Lil’ Introduction
There he is! My best friend, my cat’s favorite person, and the only man I’ve ever met who can sing Mariah Carey by heart and on-key. He is silly and fun, an intimidatingly good dancer (though he’ll never admit it), the most thoughtful listener, an incredible taco chef, and I’ve found that he’s so easy to just be with – I’m always appreciative of his patience, willingness to help, and even-keeled energy. SAY HI TO DENNIS, OK? (PS. You’ll hear a bit from him below. Add “great sport” and “willing to put himself out there” to the list!!!)
We started talking about moving in together in 2022, but gave ourselves the time to adhere to the common cohabitation wisdom – we’ve solved problems together; we’ve traveled together. We know how to discuss the tough stuff and we’ve seen each other through times of stress and grief. We’ve talked about chores, bills, and all the realities of living and working in the same 1,100 square feet. And unlike a lot of long-distance couples, we’ve been lucky enough to get in a lot of in-person time – we’ve spent weeks (sometimes months!) living together in our respective apartments over the past few years, so we have a realistic idea as to what life looks like with the other person. I feel ready and excited and I genuinely can’t wait for “my” space to become “our” space. IS IT JULY YET????
Let The Fun Begin 🙂
As a quick refresh, this is the current state of the apartment in question. Den is making a number of huge sacrifices to move into this place with me – he’s leaving his friends, his enormous (and very welcoming!) family, and he’ll be working some early bird hours to align with his coworkers on the East Coast – so I really care about making this home feel like it represents us. LA is my favorite city in the world and I’m so excited to experience all our neighborhood has to offer together, but I want Den to feel like he’s really in his home and not just a guest in mine, you know?
Which brings us back to today’s topic: HOW THE HECK DO YOU DESIGN A HOME WITH A PARTNER? Or, in my case: how the heck do you design a home with a partner when you’ve made some very loud, very specific, and very permanent pre-existing design decisions?
Because y’all – she is loud. As it stands, the apartment is currently filled to the brim with brass, and lucite, and animal print, and weird sculptures, and there’s obviously no lack of color or pattern. And while many of these elements will remain (you’ll see those all wallpapers in reveals this year, I promise!), I’m so excited for the changes to come – think more subdued styling, multiple WFH areas, an increased focus on comfort (hello, lounge-able sofa!), and a more relaxed, less precious feel.
Since we’re combing our households from across the country, Den’s currently downsizing. He’ll bring his essentials – books, records, art, cooking tools, clothing, guitars, etc. – but he’ll move into the apartment as-is, and my hope is that we’ll finish furnishing it together in a functional, beautiful way that we both love. (Avid readers may have clocked that my dining room, bedroom, and kitchen reveals have been delayed – now you know why! I didn’t want to invest in pieces that didn’t make sense for each of us, you know? It felt wasteful to only consider my taste when I knew that my life and home would be changing so soon!)
Learn Your Partner’s Tastes
I knew Dennis had good taste from the moment I stepped into his apartment. He had rugs! He had fun art (in frames, no less! Hanging on the wall, and some in unexpected places!). He had a well-styled drop zone next to the front door, charming blue campaign-style end tables, and a graphic floral tablecloth draped across his desk! I love the way his home feels – it’s cozy and warm and personal – and I’m beyond eager to bring that same energy to our combined space. (Can’t you tell?)
We started our cohabitation design journey by sharing some inspiration images, which feels like a safe place to start. Den and I exchanged DMs on Instagram, but you can also start a Pinterest board – whatever you prefer! And here’s where I have a confession to make: stylistically, I’ve hit the roommate jackpot. As you’re about to see, Den’s not afraid of color, texture, or interest. Oftentimes, deciding on a mutual aesthetic can be a fraught or confrontational process – I’ve witnessed it firsthand, as my friends have moved in with their partners! – but Dennis has an awesome (and compatible) eye, which makes combining our households MUCH easier. (If you’re about to live with a partner and your styles aren’t totally meshing, never fear! I have some tips for you below. :)) Enough blabbing from me – are you ready to see the rooms that’ll be inspiring our shared space?
Here’s how Den described his taste: “I like a lot to look at and a lot of eye-catching things. But in a chill way. I need a place where I can simultaneously turn up and turn down. So I guess it would ideally look lived in and not like a room with just the bare minimum in it. Ultimately, I need a cool place to watch Columbo.“
My take? I’M OBSESSED. I love the color blocking, the cohesive, corralled collections of items (the candles on the left; books on the right!), how each piece is perfectly scaled, and how comfortable each space feels. They’re rooms that you can just live in, you know? They feel homey and warm and cozy, which is the energy I hope to capture (fingers crossed).
I’ve been on a big primary color kick lately, so I adored these. I love the timeless, deeper-toned woods, the colorful sofas, the punchy hits of red and yellow, and the classic patterns brought in through the rug on the left and the striped blanket on the right. The aesthetics may differ a bit, but both rooms capture the same energy – it’s that homey feeling that I mentioned above!
Speaking of bright sofas…how good are these?! I love the composition of both spaces – a statement-making rug, a full bookshelf (with killer art styling, of course), beautiful lighting, a nice dose of greenery, and a lounge-worthy sofa in a cheery, happy hue.
Who needs Bridgerton when you have a boyfriend who DMs you interiors by Pierce & Ward on Instagram?! BIG SWOON. Den liked how comfortable this living room was, and I totally agree. It shares a lot of stylistic elements with the previous spaces, too – a personal gallery wall, thoughtful collections on display, classic wood tones, and some playful color blocking (albeit in a more tonal way). I also love the quirky, whimsical elements here like the tiny wooden chairs, the simple-but-special end table used to define a seating area, and the irregular wicker lighting.
When exchanging inspiration with your partner, carve out some time to understand the why – what draws them to each room? What elements do they like? Is there anything in the photo that they don’t like? Are they looking to capture a vibe, or are they specifically attached to certain styles of furniture or decor? If you listen to understand, you’ll be able to find those stylistic throughlines. Added bonus: hearing your partner talk about design is SUPER FUN. Our homes are so important to each of us and it’s so interesting to learn what others value in their space!
Build A Plan Together
As promised, I wanted to provide a few of the tips and tricks I’ve been keeping in mind as we prepare for this next chapter. That being said, I don’t know everything (yet, and it’s not looking like I’ll be able to learn it all in my next 60ish years on the planet), so if I’m missing anything, PLEASE drop a little note in the comments. I’d love to make this an even better resource using experience from people who have, you know, actually lived with someone 🙂
- Edit, edit, edit: You’re about to become very acquainted with your local Goodwill, thrift store, Buy Nothing Group, or Facebook app. Take this opportunity to really evaluate your belongings and to consider what’s worth keeping! (If you’re also super sentimental and prone to keeping things forever, I’ve written about some simple mental framing that made cleaning out my home so much simpler!)
- You’re on the same team: It’s you AND your partner, not you VERSUS your partner! You’re both working together to build a home you love – be prepared to compromise, keep it respectful, and be patient with the process. Design always takes time – that’s okay!
- If you’re feeling hopeless, start with a color palette: Internally, the EHD team jokes that this is “the green effect,” because it’s the shade that most cohabitating couples lean towards for their first place. (Even I’m guilty of being drawn towards the green side of the color wheel, and you’ve seen Den’s colorful inspiration! But there’s no shame in the green game, trust me.)
- Prioritize the essential spaces: For us, it’s building 2 work-from-home spaces in separate areas. I spend a lot of time on Zoom and Den will need to be communicating with his team, so nailing down our workstations will be priority number one. (Priority #2? A sofa we can both stretch out on!)
- Pick a feel, not a look: Labels prohibit you. Instead of focusing on your specific styles, pick a few words that’ll capture the energy of your finished space. Trying to design a space that’s a perfect 50/50 representation of each person is tough – it’s much easier to work together when you’re both focused on the vision of a “warm, cozy, collected, and colorful” home. Focusing on the feeling opens the door for a bit of serendipity – maybe you’ll discover a love for an aesthetic you never would have considered!
- Understand the hard no’s: I love all design, but there’s a few things I won’t do: faux black leather, bad wood veneer, and cheap tufting. Den’s list includes overly ornate spaces, rooms that feel fussy, and gauche, ultra-loud rooms. (The current level of loud in the apartment is acceptable, thankfully.) It’s great to get these out in the open, as it means that anything else is up for discussion and open for compromise!
- Keep scale in mind: This one is especially important if you’re combining homes – will your coffee table fit with their sectional? Do their chairs slide under your antique dining table? Before you part with everything, make sure that the scale is still functional!
- Make space just for you: Personal space is important! Find a place in your new home that feels like you – maybe it’s a reading chair, a vanity nook, a decked-out bathtub, or an arts and crafts area. Whatever the use, it’s nice to have a spot that you can feel some ownership over, no matter the size.
We officially kicked off the moving process five days ago (!!!) with these two big ol’ suitcases filled with Den’s belongings. (Borrowed from Brenda, of course. She’s the MVP and I am very grateful for her support!!!) We’re finalizing a few big pieces before he gets here – another dresser for the bedroom, some good office chairs, and maybe even a sectional – but more than anything, I’m just excited to hang out with my best friend every day. The spaces will come together in time and there’s no one else I’d rather design them with. 🙂 But seriously, PLEASE DROP ME YOUR TIPS, ADVICE, OR WORDS OF WISDOM BELOW. I’d love to learn what worked for you!
Wish me luck!!!! I’ll keep you posted on the progress. xx
Opening Image Credits: Design by Caitlin Higgins (me!) | Styled by Emily Bowser | Photo by Sara Ligorria-Tramp | From: The Reveal We’ve All Been Waiting For! Caitlin’s Mostly Thrifted, Postmodern Regency Deco Living Room
THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED HERE.
